Remembrance of home

I decided to stay away from the virtual world for I don’t know how long, but there are some posts I have to make. Not that this one is one of them but I just want to pass time.

My mother was naturally worried of me when I first came here, knowing that half of the time I will be alone. My sisters said that I could bear it since I am the most home buddy among us siblings, even used to it. And they were right. I could live with this lifestyle of being alone in the US when Lee is at work. And I am fine with it. But no matter how well one does it, loneliness still pierced my heart when I go to sleep at night, especially these days. For in the time the feeling of quietness (though it is usually quiet here unless I’m watching a movie especially a High def, kind of company, kumbaga), I feel self-pity, don’t wonder why, because I am so alone. If you could understand it. Oh I can bear it, it is just that feeling that haunt me sometimes when I lay in bed. Sometimes I am thinking that when I was in the Philippines, I can go anywhere, the mall or anywhere downtown anytime, and encounter so many people. No man is an island jud, human nature talaga to long for company. Here I am surrounded by few people in their 70’s to the 90’s, who, I understand, are, according to my father-in-law’s words, of feeble minds, makabugo pud ug apil. Not that I mind, it is just different. I am so lonely. In the US you are all by yourself, just the opposite in the Philippines where endless relatives are with us, in our house. I did not appreciate too much of it though, but don’t like none of it either. Today my eldest sister is coming home, that means for good, she resigned from the clinic, and I am happy for her, and for them there for they will be having more fun being together, here, I am so alone. When I lay in bed, oh how I missed Ladygishi. She is only a cat, but she has been a very valuable company for me, someone who listened. Until now I am not over with that loss. I just didn’t like it at all that someone asked if I already got a new cat that someone else told her about. Not two weeks ago my sister was celebrating her birthday, a very happy one, and I was so glad that hers was great, for I was in one of the loneliest times here during my birthday. It is okay; it is just a passing feeling. And life will not always be like this. It is learning experience though, to use and rely more on your own, of your own strength. When you are so far away, everything, even to the minutest detail, holds true that there is no place like home jud.

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2 comments:

  Maria Clara

April 8, 2008 at 11:24 AM

aloha! its alright dai.f silingan pa unta ta kuyog untani tag palit ug tangkong,etc :-)

bsan ako pd dri mingaw mn apan anytym pwd mn nko twagan ako mga na-amiga dri den chika2 lng. bsan gali sa work lahi ra jd kaayo. maong kaundangon na au ko.apan naa na mn ko 2 ka studyante ulaw nko ask cge ni anab.

pohon malooy ra jd nato si Lord. ang atong greatest desire nga malibutan tas atong loveones matuman ra jd na. and ur ryt ma-achieve lng na kung naa tas pilipinas.lahi ra jd... i could feel what u feel. bsan unsaon ug shop or laag lahi ra jd ang talidhay sa atong mga igsoon,tingog sa atong mga ginikanan.

haaay mgtulo pd ako luha ani.

i'll call nya f d ka busy:-) now cheer up! :-)

  lotis

April 9, 2008 at 8:19 PM

dai, mao ni gi-ingon nga "kinabuhi", hehee, diri sa US.. ty dai.